Yes, acting normal even when we know it the time to be vulnerable, is hard. it’s a war against our own existence.
I know, that the way we see life and love, the core concept that we have/had are somehow not being met. The thing our soul wants is not getting. it’s not like we asked for a huge thing… we have some little things that we ask in life. yet not met. Nobody can satisfy our soul, even we too can not give peace to our very own soul.
And I think the real problem is, that we know it is over, it has to end sometime now. but we are smart humans. we have the brain. it lets us think, in fact, it provokes us to think stuff that other people might not think… It’s kind of a shame that being such a smart human, instead of bringing peace to the soul, we can find more excuses and more reasons, more unrealistic thoughts just to keep us hurting.
Sometimes I think, is it the pain we are getting that somehow we DO really secretly want too to happen to us? If not, why can not we just be like other regular guys!!